


Superman Gets a Date

by truc



Series: Superbatweek 2019 prompts [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types, Superman/Batman (Comics)
Genre: Bruce is bad at confessing, Clark is having fun, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Secret Relationship, superbatweek2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-11 10:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19926388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc
Summary: The Batfamily speculates on Superman's dates.Day 1 of the Superbat Week 2019 prompt: Secret Relationship





	Superman Gets a Date

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see how many of the seven days of prompts I'll actually manage to do!

Dick clears his throat. "Good morning Bat-gents and Bat-ladies. We've gathered together to finally resolve the "dating mystery."

Steph's hands shot up.

Dick points at her. "Yes, Miss Purple?"

"It's 'Madam Purple' for you, Dick. Why isn't Jay here?"

"It is better if Todd isn't here. He's a simpleton."

"Well, at least he's smarter than you, Spoiled Brat," Tim points out.

Before the whole thing could devolve into a fight, Dick answers the original question. "Well, I called him and he politely declined. He also told me I should take vacations in the underworld. I told him I eventually would, but I'm too busy right now."

"You could have used the three words it takes to say 'go to hell' rather than blab forever," Steph complains. Damian opens his mouth and Dick just knows that verbal matches take forever to end in the Batfamily.

"Back to the dating mystery. Tim, could you summarize what our researches have yielded?"

Tim rises and presses a button on the remote control. He pretends not to hear Steph whispering to Cass, "He made a Powerpoint Presentation. What a showoff..."

"These are his last six dates," Tim starts as he shows pictures of four men and two women. "None of them appear in any facial recognition system we currently use. They don't seem to be registered in any country or business. None of their psychological or physical profile matches one another. Basically, except for the fact they were all dating Clark Kent, none of them exist nor are they similar in profiles."

"Conspiracy time! All of his dates are hidden cult members!" Steph yells. Cass smiles.

"Barbs," Dick prompts.

Barbara looks up from her computer. "Since we realized their existence, we tried various means to track them. We could only track them during the actual dates. After that, any trackers we had placed, any eyes we had on them disappeared. We can't even follow them home."

"Damian?"

The boy scowls and crosses his arms on his chest. "The Alien's behaviour is still the same around Father. I ran tests while they were discussing and the target's brainwaves are on par with our data. There are no indications of Kryptonite influences."

Dick nods. "We had some tea together last week and Clark's reactions were normal. We discussed relationships and he even indicated he was happy with his current lover."

"Did you inform him he was dating nonexistent people?" Duke asks with a raised hand.

"No," Dick responds. "I think it is too early to let him know."

"Doesn't he have the right to know?" Duke replies.

Steph looks at him and laughs. "Have you forgotten this family's mantra?"

" _Ut est sapientia absconsa tua, sed ne ab aliis quidem stultitia_ ," Tim interjects.

Steph rolls her eyes. "To keep your secrets is wisdom, but to expect others to keep them is folly."

"It is his secrets," Dukes wisely points out.

"But Clark has been happier in the last few months than I've seen him in a while," Dick indicates with a pout. "Who are we to crush his love life because we think dating nonexistent people is dangerous? Maybe they are just shy aliens who fell in love with Superman while he was on their planet."

Duke finds himself confused. He really doesn't feel as if he understands the family dynamic at all.

***  
_Meanwhile, in the Batcave..._

"Have they figured it out?" Batman asks.

Superman shakes his head. "Isn't it time to let them know the truth?"

Batman snorts, "Every single one of them is a trained detective. They should be able to figure it out."

Figure it out? If anyone had ever told Superman that Batman would have asked him to 'date' him to try his new holographic program and voice modulating program, he wouldn't have believed them. Especially if that went on for half a year. Batman changed his appearance setting every month; he claimed it was to practice his rusty acting skills.

Seeing 'Bruce Wayne' look like a five-foot-tall woman sashaying in the Daily Planet on high heels was quite scary. He was so much in character it was disturbing. Superman had had to switch to x-ray vision more than once to verify Bruce was still the one calling him "delicious farm boy" or "sweet-ass."

It only took Superman a bit more than a month to know this technique was Bruce's way of dating him without actually asking for a 'real' date. He really wanted to shake his head. None of Bruce's alter-egos were shy in telling him they loved him. Bruce, however, had yet to confess his feelings.

Alfred walks in the Batcave, startling Superman out of his thoughts. "Master Kent, how nice to see you."

Superman smiles. "Likewise. Did my mother's recipe work?"

"Like a charm. Kindly extend my thanks."

The reporter's smile widens. "I will."

Alfred deposes Bruce's midday pills near his former ward. "Don't forget to swallow all of them, Master Bruce. I'll be back to verify later." Alfred is almost out of the room when he turns around and says, "Master Kent, please extend Thursday evening's invitation to your date. It will be a pleasure to get to know them."

The butler disappears.

"Alfred knows," Bruce dryly notes.

This brings a gleam in Clark's eyes. "Can we tell the others too?"

Bruce shakes his head.

"Then... Is Sasha White coming to dinner on Thursday? I'm sure she'll impress the gallery."

Bruce's glare would have been formidable if Clark had not been used to it.

"Are you scare of being recognized disguised as a woman?"

"Hardly."

"Does that mean that you are coming?" Clark innocently asks.

Their staring contest lasts a few moments. "Fine, I'll go."

Clark grins. "I'll pick you up at the coffee house near my house."

Bruce grumbles.

As he flew away, Clark couldn't help looking forward to his next date. Life with Bruce was always interesting!


End file.
